Is this a captivating enough first chapter? (edited)?

I posted it not too long ago and I realized it needed A LOT of work. I feel it still does so I'm asking for any critique you'd like to give, grammar, tenses (thats my biggest challenge), or if you just want to say if its good enough to keep on reading. I REALLY appreciate it but please keep it cordial, constructive comments only please, thanks!



A not so Happy Fathers Day



Ch 1





"Welcome Mr. Whitlock," the Maitre De of Ruth's Chris Steakhouse greeted Kent personally. “I am deeply sorry for the loss you recently suffered. Your father Kenneth was one of our most valued customers at our restaurant.



“Thank you,” Kent replied as he averted his green eyes. He hated this whole spectacle of the Maitre De greeting him, even if he meant well.



“Is there anything in particular you’d like today? I’m sure you are aware we will prepare it even if it is not on the menu.



"Thank you. Just Chateau Margaux 1995 please," Kent ordered flawlessly.



"Of course, I remember your father ordering the same wine, and what about something to eat?”



"Just the drink please,” Kent replied in a rush to get drunk.



"Right," the Maitre de nodded and disappeared into the kitchen.



Kent gazed around the room, and as usual everyone was staring at him.



“Goodness, I can’t believe he is out like this by himself, and on Father’s Day,” a woman sitting across the room in a tweed Chanel suit whispered to her friend.



“That whole real estate company is going crash with that kid running the show,” a man sitting two tables away claimed not so discreetly.



Kent self consciously pushed back a strand of black hair that fell in his face. He was used to people talking about him or his father, but today all he wanted to do was block it out. As much as he wanted to honor his dad by going out on Father’s Day, he was now having regrets and just wanted to go home.



Kenneth Whitlock used to be the most prestigious real estate tycoon in Los Angeles. He designed and built several Hollywood homes, many of which were custom made for celebrities. With Kenneth's photo posted all over Hollywood, the Whitlock family had become something of celebrities themselves. If Kent ever made an appearance in a Hollywood night club or restaurant, it would be on the front page of the newspaper the next day. His male model looks didn't seem to hurt either.



About a month ago Kenneth Whitlock had a heart attack and passed away unexpectedly. He was only fifty two years old and had left his son with everything, which was more of a burden than it seemed. While Kent was quite knowledgeable in real estate, the business of running the company his father built from the ground was a lot of pressure for a twenty four year old that had never worked a day in his life. Losing his father still felt surreal, and today on Fathers Day he wanted to somehow reconcile with himself by dining at his dads favorite restaurant, but it seemed to be having the opposite effect.



He loosened his Hugo Boss white tie a little bit to try and relieve the tension he felt, but with all eyes piercing through him it wasn’t working. All he wanted to do was immerse in the light-weight black cherry flavor of the wine that he was now waiting impatiently for. Finally, for what seemed like hours, the waitress arrived. In an attempt to avoid more stares, Kent began sending text messages on his Blackberry and didn't bother looking up.



"Here you go Sir," she said as she carefully poured the bottle of wine into a glass. Out of the corner of his eye Kent could see gorgeous dark red tendrils of hair floating above the table.



"It's such a nice day today, perfect Fathers Day weather," the waitress babbled on while pouring. As she leaned forward her hair brushed his wrist, and she tucked it behind her ear.



"I haven't seen this place so busy since- oh no! Oh crap!" she shrieked as the large bottle toppled out of her hands. The nearly black liquid spilled onto Kent's white tie and onto his Blackberry instantly breaking it. That certainly caused him to look up.



"I am so sorry!" the waitress apologized over and over. She pulled a dish towel out of her apron and desperately tried to clean the mess.



Kent was just about to express his irritation, but became too dumbfounded to speak, and it wasn't just from the cold drink. He continued to study her as panic glimmered throughout her eyes. Unlike most redheads, she had sun kissed skin and only a few freckles that dotted her slim arms. He wondered what nationality she was, and if her deep auburn hair color was natural. It reminded him of autumn.



"Erica!" a manager tore off across the room bright red with anger. If only half of the room was staring before, now everyone was looking.



"Do you realize you just spilled a thousand dollar bottle of wine all over one of our most favored clieIs this a captivating enough first chapter? (edited)?
I would not use the word captivating for this chapter. For one, opening with dialogue makes it tough to be captivating. Two, you have to drink a lot of Chateau Margaux to get drunk. If he wanted to block out everything...why does he find himself in a very public restaurant? Too much telling about the background info. A key to good writing: SHOW don't TELL. Too many ordinary details. Today's stories need to move along at a good clip. Dig a little deeper into the emotional tension of this character. We've got to care about him more than just about a guy who wants to forget he lost his dad. Get rid of verbs "was" and "were". Try different sentence structures. And, does he really just have a bottle of wine poured on him and all he does it look up and marvel about this girl's looks? That's a lot of thinking for someone who just had wine spilled on him.



Keep working...CHEERS.Is this a captivating enough first chapter? (edited)?
I think its really good so far. The plot is unique and well thought out.



It sounds like you're rushing. Slow it down and add more description, but don't give us so much information. If you hold out information, your audience will want to keep reading.



I know as a writer when you have a good idea you want to just get to the point, but you need to take your time.



This has the potential to be great.



Keep writing.