Monday, February 20, 2012

I act overly nice but eventually it's hard to monitor myself so much, and I come across as an average guy?

Even in high school, there were some classes where teachers thought I was this nice, 14 year-old angel, and most others where I was the loud mouth, goof-ball, class clown that I really was. There were some students who couldn't believe I could act so differently in different situations. It seemed that my problem was (and still is) that I am very easily influenced by the personality of my professors, my co-workers, my classmates. I become to them and act in the way that I think they already perceive me. It's like if my dim-witted friends tells me I'm a genius - that's the way I act around him. When my genius brother makes fun of my stupidity, the self-fulfilling prophesy makes me act like a moron around him. It's a strange dichotomy.



I think this means that I am an egoist who is constantly monitoring myself is fully aware of how I'm being perceived by each person, though I am different around everyone. And at home when no one's there I default to my true nature of "bored loner." Then a buddy shows up, my eyes light up, and I become center stage. It's odd.



So this idea of me "trying so hard" on a first date and being SO charming, SO funny, SO chivalrous...people either buy my act or they don't. Either way, they find me too good to be true or believe that they've found this awesome guy (smart, funny, well-groomed, rich, etc). When you walk around your house like a sorry bum, but dress up in the one Armani shirt you have, groom yourself for hours, and take your moms Lexus to meet up at Ruth Chris to spend your remaining 100 dollars on a date, girls assume you're that way...or you're trying so hard. So what do I do? Be myself in the beginning? But I'm sarcastic, sometimes too brash, don't always have fresh breath or clean-smelling hair...but on the date I look like Clooney. In real life and at home I'm a chubby, unkempt version of Michael Phelps with much less money and even less charisma//self-awareness. Do I show up to the date acting like the snide goof ball I am...or is a 3-hour grooming session followed by a date where I infuse my own personality with "my ideal" self in any way beneficial?I act overly nice but eventually it's hard to monitor myself so much, and I come across as an average guy?
you need to sit down with urself,,,

and try to understand who you are and what you really want in person.

What you wrote here shows that you are REALLY confused and that you do wrong things in wrong places and at the wrong time.

You need good friends to help you realise what are your potentials in life
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